Living with Roommates

Ways to Prevent Conflict

• Discuss rules and standards for the apartment.
• Set standards for cleanliness, visitors, quiet hours, etc. If these are discussed early on, they can prevent a conflict situation from arising. A healthy living situation involves respect for all roommates.
• Be willing to work together to compromise. Once a compromise is made, work towards keeping your promises.
• Communication: Successful relations are built on communication. If you are having an issue, communicate the issue to your roommates in a mature, respectful manner. By addressing situations early on, you are preventing a major conflict later on down the road.

Ways to De-escalate a Conflict

• Give "I" messages and not "you" messages.
• Take responsibility for your feelings to avoid blaming others.
• Learn to listen to the speaker as if you were a mediator or counselor.
• Ask questions to encourage the other person to help look for a solution.
• Speak slowly and calmly. Take deep breaths to relax.
• Keep your legs and arms uncrossed, and don't clench your fists. This gives the signal that you are emotional and irrational.
• If necessary, ask for a short break to regain composure and recollect your feelings.