Q&A with author Danielle Ariano, ’99

Author and 1999 graduate Danielle Ariano’s new memoir, The Requirement of Grief, explores the relationship between two sisters and the bond that remains after a sibling dies by suicide. Ariano, who holds a Bachelor of Arts in Writing and Psychology from Loyola and an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from the University of Baltimore, lives in Lutherville, Maryland, with her wife, son, and dog.

What led you to write a memoir about such a deeply personal experience?

For a long time, I wrote to process my feelings about the things happening in my family, and specifically in my relationship with my sister, Alexis. After Alexis died by suicide, that changed. Grief is a universal experience, but it feels like a solitary one when you are going through it, especially when you have lost a loved one to suicide. I wanted to render an honest account of the difficulties that one experiences when they love someone who suffers from mental illness and substance abuse disorder because I’ve found that this is a topic people are hesitant to talk about openly.

What do you hope readers gain from your book?

I think in many ways we are conditioned to only share the light parts of our lives. We know that pain is universal, but I’m not sure that as a society we know how to be in communion with someone who is in pain. We want to fix, heal, and move on. I hope that after reading this book, readers might feel willing to share their own struggles or the struggles of someone they love, because they are not something to be ashamed of. We are all human, and being human is hard.

Can you share something you learned through writing this book?

One of my college roommates reached out to me after reading the book. We hadn’t spoken in years, but she sent me a letter saying she found the book really moving. I was reminded that as a writer, you can never predict how your words will impact a reader. Whenever people reach out to me to tell me ways the book has impacted them, it confirms something I already believed, which is that words are so powerful.

How has your Loyola education influenced your career as a writer?

Some of the teachers I had were exceptional: Dr. Ilona McGuiness and Dr. Dan McGuiness, Dr. Richard Boothby, Dr. Charles Lopresto, Dr. Robert Miola. Dr. Ilona McGuiness’ class shaped my writing in ways that remain with me 25 years later. I remember feeling challenged by each of them, and I recall the growth that those challenges elicited. Each professor opened my eyes to a new way of thinking or seeing the world.